


Good things in life are hard to find

by NatalieRyan



Series: Comfort fics for Lunedd x [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 10x14 coda, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22606789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan
Summary: Here it is: my 10x14 coda. It's the unofficial sequel to Lunedd's story, "Being strong, holding on". You can go and read it while you are at it. The more feels, the better in my personal opinion.I waited dor 10x14 for several months, and I knew I was going to cry, but never thought it would break my heart as much as it did.I promised Lunedd to write her a comfort fic connected to this to ever since we had scraps of info for 10x14, but with a different premise, so this story happened spontaneously. I made bunch of edits for the episode and one for mine, too which will follow after the notes.Some thanks are in order.First, I'd like to thank my babe, Lunedd, for cheering me on while I wrote and fixing my (frankly obvious) mistakes. This story is the unofficial sequel to hers and I asked if I could use some of the events of hers (mostly mentioned).Also, I'd like to thank the ladies from our Emotional support group for helping me get through the pain and heartbreak that 10x14 brought to me.Thank you dixons_mama for the beta.Title from "It's not over" by Daughtry.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Comfort fics for Lunedd x [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626655
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63





	Good things in life are hard to find

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunedd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunedd/gifts).



> Here it is: my 10x14 coda. It's the unofficial sequel to Lunedd's story, "Being strong, holding on". You can go and read it while you are at it. The more feels, the better in my personal opinion.  
> I waited dor 10x14 for several months, and I knew I was going to cry, but never thought it would break my heart as much as it did.  
> I promised Lunedd to write her a comfort fic connected to this to ever since we had scraps of info for 10x14, but with a different premise, so this story happened spontaneously. I made bunch of edits for the episode and one for mine, too which will follow after the notes.  
> Some thanks are in order.  
> First, I'd like to thank my babe, Lunedd, for cheering me on while I wrote and fixing my (frankly obvious) mistakes. This story is the unofficial sequel to hers and I asked if I could use some of the events of hers (mostly mentioned).  
> Also, I'd like to thank the ladies from our Emotional support group for helping me get through the pain and heartbreak that 10x14 brought to me.  
> Thank you dixons_mama for the beta.  
> Title from "It's not over" by Daughtry.

"Yes, Tani, he is with me. Mhm, I'll take care of it once you and Quinn make the arrest. He should go through central booking first, let Duke and his boys do their thing. Yeah, then you two take over. And Tani, do me a favor? Not a word until all is confirmed so I can tell him. Thanks."

Steve had just hung up on the phone when he noticed Danny standing at the door of his study.

Steve was not surprised that Danny didn't rest, but also worried because Danny couldn't have looked worse.

The look in his eyes was the same vacant expression he had when Steve and Tani found him two days ago, sitting on the side of the road, staring into nothingness, still in shock.

"Danny..."

"Who was it?" Danny sounded like he had gargled with glass.

"Tani. Erm... a lead on a case."

Steve took a couple of days to take care of Danny. He wasn't ready to leave Danny alone at such trying times, and he thanked whatever it was that forced Danny out of his own house, because at least Danny stayed with Steve. It was the best situation, all things considered, to have Danny closer, to watch over any changes in his mood, and to help him in the aftermath.

"Steve, I heard you. Don't lie to me. Did she find him?"

Straight to the point then.

 _Bloody detective_.

Steve was momentarily stumped. Danny was a force to be reckoned with, but since the accident, Danny had been a bitter and snippy force to be reckoned with. Steve had no doubts Danny would fight him to learn what he knew. If Steve was in Danny's place, he wouldn't have given up till he found the guy.

"Da-"

"Tell me, Steve. Please."

The sound of Danny's voice, sounded so small, like he had already given up on finding a semblance of peace.

Danny was desperately holding himself upright, clearly in pain and distressed. Using his right arm, he lilted heavily against the door, using his left to protect his ribs. He wore one of Steve's grey hoodies, he'd been feeling colder since the accident, and Steve made sure to bundle Danny up in his warm clothes.

Steve realized that there was no beating around the bush. He took a deep breath.

"Tani and Quinn found him. At least we think so, but judging by the description you gave us of the car, and the partial plate Leslie remembered-" Steve stopped then, noticing Danny's face had gone blank, "- it's him. Duke is probably en route now, Tani and Quinn will follow right after."

"What car does he have? Is it a silver Ford?"

"Yes. Silver Ford Focus."

"It's definitely him."

Danny tore off from the door and moved deliberately yet slowly, limping, with purpose and intent.

Steve followed Danny's movements and gasped when he saw Danny grab the Silverado keys and head for the door. Even Eddie whined from his place on the couch, seemingly pleading Danny not to leave.

Once Danny was outside and clicked the key to unlock the truck, Steve realized how serious things were and rushed after his friend.

Danny was already climbing inside the cab when his foot slid and he hissed. He held onto the door, which jostled his ribs, and he grunted.

Steve winced mentally, he could see the strain that Danny put on his body, trying to lever himself in the Silverado driver's seat, he didn't know what to say, though. It seemed like Danny was a ticking time bomb, waiting for the right (or wrong) trigger word to explode.

"Danny..." Steve tried, but without much success.

Danny managed to climb inside, and had the key halfway in the ignition, when he felt Steve watching, boring holes in his skull.

"Steve, I need to..." he didn't finish, but Steve would understand. He always would.

"I know, Danny, but not like this. Please let me-"

"I need to do this, Steve! Don't you get it?"

"Get what?"

Danny looked desperately at Steve, waiting for him to catch on, but Steve returned a desperate look his way.

"I killed her."

It was a simple statement, one Danny and Steve discussed in the hospital, something Steve thought they left behind them. Apparently it was still Danny's firm belief that he killed Leslie.

"Danny, you didn't. I don't care how many times I'll have to repeat this, but you didn't kill her, buddy. There was nothing you could have done to save her than what you already did. Please don't beat yourself up over it."

"Like you haven't done that yourself a thousand times, already. Pot calling the kettle black. Don't be a hypocrite, Steven."

Steve closed his mouth around the retort ready on his lips. Danny was angry.

Alright then. Steve had a lengthy resume he could apply with for anger management courses, from all the times he had dealt with an angry Williams.

"I know you are angry, you have every right to be. That asshole had no right to be on his phone and driving, but that doesn't make you guilty for her death. Danny, you… you had no choice."

"Yes, I did."

"I don't-"

"If I hadn't taken my eyes off of the road for a second to look at her, I would've seen that schmuck faster and I wouldn't have gone off the road! Don't you get it? I did it, Steve. I fucking killed her, and I have to live with it."

Danny finally managed to turn the key in the ignition and press the power button. When he tried to give gas, though, his foot slipped from the pedal and his ankle once again screamed in pain.

"FUCK!" Danny started hitting the dash with such fervor, something snapped.

Danny's scream jostled Steve from his stupor, and in one breath, he was opening the door, trying to keep Danny from hurting himself more than he already was. 

"Stop, Danny. Please, stop."

Steve took Danny's hands in his (shaking and sweaty) and leveled him with a look that finally put a stop on Danny's movements.

"Listen, Danny, I know that you are angry right now, hell, _I'm angry_ , and I wasn't even there. If you hurt yourself, and blame yourself for it, it won't make things go away. I don't want to see you hurting, Danny, and if I could do anything to have prevented her from dying, believe me, I would. What you can do right now, is let me drive. I know how much you hate that, but unless you want to go back to King‘s Medical because of aggravating your injuries, you are not going to drive."

Danny looked at Steve with a defiant look, but he calmed down significantly. Steve tried to be as gentle as he could with Danny, keeping calm and not yelling.

Steve helped Danny get in the passenger seat of his truck and then put the car in gear.

It was going to be a long night.

…

Tani and Quinn arrived at HPD when they noticed the Silverado already there.

"What's Steve doing here? I thought he let us handle this guy." Quinn inquired, curious.

"That's what he told me on the phone."

"Let's go inside and ask, shall we?"

"Lead the way, Miss Liu."

Once inside, they could feel the tension in the air. It could have been cut with a knife.

"What are you doing here? You are supposed to be home and resting, Danny." Tani sounded exasperated. She was worried for Danny. They all were.

"I want to see this through."

"Seriously, Danny, please, let us handle this. I know-" Quinn started, but was quickly stopped by Danny.

"With all due respect, all of you, no one can know or understand how I feel. So, please stop making assumptions and pretend to be me, because Leslie didn't bleed out in your car, and you didn't see the light go out in her eyes."

For a moment everyone stopped moving, waiting to see what Danny would do next. Steve didn't expect Danny to explode so fast, but when has anyone ever acted by textbook grief?

Grief hit everyone differently. Steve expected Danny to close off, and he did, but strangely, this outburst made Steve think that Danny was just gathering air for his lungs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… Sorry, Danny."

"It's okay, Quinn. It should be me apologizing. It's just… whenever I close my eyes, I see her dying in front of me, and it's hard. I want to see justice for her."

"We all do, Danny. What happened to you was cruel and unfair. We are all here for you. I hope you know that." Tani reiterated.

"Thank you."

Steve released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He knew that this wasn't a solution to the problem. Booking the driver that caused the accident was going to be just the start. Steve vowed to be Danny's support system throughout the whole process. This wasn't a head cold, and it wouldn't just disappear overnight.

Steve knew he had to watch over the signs and to be there for Danny as much as he could. He would not leave Danny alone.

…

Danny watched from the window as Tani and Quinn grilled Brad. Steve was next to him, offering to be Danny's resting pillar, there was nothing that could make Danny leave the precinct before he saw the guy interrogated. 

Duke's people found his name, Bradley Hunter, 20, with a bunch of traffic tickets. It looked like an honest mistake, and perhaps a first time texting and driving, but Danny had little to no compassion for him and his excuses at the moment. First time or not, it resulted in the death of a woman, what Danny thought was _the woman_ of his dreams.

Next to Danny, Steve was tense, skin thrumming from trying to reign himself and not get inside, give Brad a beating. Danny knew Steve wanted to, he wasn't a detective for nothing. He deduced it the second Steve laid eyes on the guy.

Danny wanted to do the same, and possibly worse, but he decided that acting like an animal wasn't an option this time. They had to be the adults, and not stoop on the level of some schmuck that liked to beat every one that wronged them. 

Also, Danny didn't want to do the same as with Reyes and go too far.

The sound of sirens echoed in his ears as police cars came to and from HPD. For a moment it took Danny back to the crash site, reminded him of the life lost. Too late just like in Grace Tilwel's case.

Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn't a time to break down, that must wait. The most important thing was to nail Brad, make him realize the fatal mistake he made.

He caught the tail end of Tani's pep talk. "-... it resulted in the death of a woman, and one police officer hurt, Brad. What were you thinking?"

Brad looked like a scolded kid, and Danny had enough.

"I'm going in."

Without seeing if Steve would follow, Danny opened the door.

Brad looked at the new incomer and when he locked eyes with Danny, several things happened at once to Danny. He was reminded of the moment he noticed the Ford coming in their lane, him trying to brake hard, shielding Leslie and flying off the road, the split second where he inhaled the smell of burnt rubber on asphalt and then a thud.

It seemed like Brad recognized him because he looked positively frightened.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not good enough." Danny heard Steve speak behind him.

"I truly am. I never meant to-"

"It is a final time for people to stop to think first before doing something, don't you think Brad?"

Danny moved to the chair across Brad and sat down. His ankle was killing him, and he wasn't going to look less intimidating sitting, for that Danny was sure, if how scared Steve was earlier.

"Most of the time, we, the people, spend so much of our precious time thinking over important things, but when it comes to such trivial issues, we don't think. Isn't that right?"

Brad kept staring at Danny, if possible paler now.

"Answer me, Bradley."

"Yes, you… you a-are right."

"Now that we established that, and I've heard your story, and your reasoning, I _know_ what happened, I was there. I deliberately kept away from facing you directly, because I'm not prone to acting like a level-headed person when I'm faced with this kind of a situation. But, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't do it. So here we are."

Not that Danny was sleeping at all, but that wasn't for Brad to know.

"What you did was very stupid. And dangerous. Did you stop to ask yourself that you could have died in this accident, too? Or perhaps get injured? I'm sure you didn't. Instead of stopping the car and helping us, you drove off."

"I-"

"Do not fucking say you were scared, because I already know that. Do not deny not trying to stop, either, I have forensic evidence to prove that. You were a coward that couldn't stop texting his girlfriend, even after you ran us off the road. You didn't just speed off, you continued texting, too.

"What on earth were you thinking? That the world would end if you stopped texting her? I don't fucking care even if that happened. You don't text and drive."

Danny took a deep breath. He was at his wits end and about to get emotional, he'd be damned if he let Brad witness that. 

Danny carefully got up and looked at the guy that changed his life by being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"My point is, you decided to drive and text at the same time. You endangered not just yourself, but other people engaging in traffic, too. You are directly responsible for the death of an innocent woman. You‘re still so young, but old enough to trust you to drive responsibly. But you weren’t. Now, you have to live for the rest of your life with the knowledge you killed a person.“

…

Danny walked away, wiping a tear, trying to stem the flow at least until he was alone.

Steve dutifully followed, without a word. It didn't take long for Danny to reach HPD's parking lot considering his ankle and ribs, but Steve knew, when determined, Danny could do many things and crash hard after the adrenaline wore off.

The drive back to Steve's place wasn't good to say the least. Danny was trying to get himself under control. He didn't want to alert Steve that he wasn't feeling well. The fact was, ever since Danny heard the sirens at HPD, he was trying to fend off the crushing panic that wanted to overcome him. He was overwhelmed by a thousand thoughts, flashbacks and actual events. Being in a car right now didn't make things easier, but hell would freeze over before Danny admitted that it was bothering him.

Steve noticed. Of course he did, but he didn't mention anything. Danny wasn't sure if he did that out of respect or out of fear that Danny would lash out.

…

Steve felt something was off with Danny. Ever since they arrived at HPD there was something weird about Danny. He was more tense than usual, a light tremor going through his body (Steve felt this when Danny leaned against him), he was sweating and his hands were shaking harder than before.

Suddenly, he stopped the car at the side of the road and turned off the engine.

"What's going on, Danny?"

Danny looked out of the window, it was dark already.

"Please, Danny, talk to me. Don't shut me out."

"I'm… I'm terrified. Being in a car, being in this car particularly at this moment makes me feel like any moment we could be-" Danny stopped himself, already revealing too much.

Steve noticed how Danny gritted his teeth, his jaw ticking with the force he most likely applied to keep the words at bay.

Steve put his hand on top of Danny's knee to offer silent comfort. Danny fought off his instinct to bounce his leg.

The warmth of Steve's hand seeped through Danny's leg and calmed him. Danny closed his eyes to pull himself together.

Danny could hear Steve calling his name as if from a distance.

"Are you okay to continue? Danny?"

"Yeah, yeah, let's just…" Danny made a vague motion with his hand indicating anywhere other than the side of the road.

Steve had an idea where they could go. He got back into traffic.

…

Danny was feeling marginally better after Steve stopped the truck, but the panic was still lingering at the back of his head. That nagging feeling that something would happen, yet not knowing when or how it would manifest, was still present.

Then, he realized they veered off their route and were headed somewhere else.

"Where are you taking me?" Danny inquired. 

"Somewhere safe and calm." Was Steve's reply.

When Danny saw that it was his favorite place on the island, the wall overlooking Diamond Head, he was surprised. Steve's sense of calm and safety usually involved gun powder residue.

"You always come here when you are troubled. I figured it might be good if you had some time to yourself, to unwind and dunno… Take however much time you like. I'll be here."

Steve's voice was strained and he looked straight ahead, not daring to turn around and face Danny. Danny realized how truly scared Steve must have been when he got the news that his partner was in an accident.

Danny surprised himself with the thought that formed in his mind, but it was better than to bear witness to Steve feeling bad over him.

"Wanna come and keep me company?"

Steve was definitely surprised, but without further delay he turned off the engine and joined Danny.

…

For a while they just sat in silence, contemplating. Danny let the waves crash against each other, illuminated by the moon's glow, to soothe him. It worked every time, but there were many things still warring inside him and he couldn't completely relax. He knew that after his sick leave he would have to go to therapy, go through psych eval and all that cloak and dagger shit. Danny knew that it would be a while before he'd drive again, his earlier stint notwithstanding. But, he knew that he would have his ohana's support throughout the trials and tribulations of his recovery. They made it as clear as possible they had his back.

Suddenly, the thought of finally relinquishing some of that hold the accident still had on him, wasn't that scary. Rationally, he knew it wasn't his fault, but his brain had the tendency to jumble all of his thoughts and make it look like it was a must to blame himself for everything.

"I felt trapped." Danny spoke first and broke the silence.

"Hm?" Steve turned to face Danny.

"I felt trapped. For a moment, when I woke up, after the crash, I felt trapped. I didn't know where I was, I was about to panic, but then I remembered what happened that day and…"

Danny was still looking away, his breath hitched when he tried to control his inhales.

"She moaned in pain and I didn't even think of what's it gonna be next, you know. I… I had to help her. I got her in that mess in the first place. If she hadn't-" 

"Even if she didn't come with you, Danny, there's no guarantee that you wouldn't have ended up in a car accident after all. These things are unpredictable and can happen to anyone. Don't blame yourself for every situation where you drew the short straw. It's not your fault."

"I know that. I fucking know that, but tell that to my brain! I keep thinking that if I didn't lean her over, the metal wouldn't-" Danny bit his lip, trying not to let the words tumble out of his mouth.

In the dim light of the moon reflecting off of them, Steve noticed Danny's lip quivering. He realized this was more than just Danny being involved in that accident.

"She… um, a piece of metal was stuck in her back. I, um, checked her for injuries. Her legs were badly injured and stuck under the dash. Then I asked her to lean over so I could see, there was so much blood already, but then she moved and the metal slipped out of her wound.

"It was a fucking sieve, it wouldn't stop pumping blood out of her wound. I shouldn't have moved her. It's a textbook, really, to not remove objects until paramedics arrive at the scene to stabilize the patient."

"Except you couldn't stop her from moving and it's not like you stuck that piece of metal into her back Danny."

"I might as well have. I drove the fucking car."

Steve sighed. Once again, Danny insisted it was his fault.

"I did promise you I won't stop saying this Danny. I meant it. You couldn't have possibly known that you would end up in a car accident. It's not your fault. You tried to avoid crashing into the other car, because of the other party driving said car was negligent. He brought this upon himself and you, Danny. Leslie moved and the metal slipped. Would it have been better if you stuck it back again, hm?

"And last, but not least, you were in the middle of nowhere, so don't blame yourself for the paramedics arriving too late. You had no way of communication until that truck came driving by."

"I missed the first car. I yelled and ran after it, but I missed it. How is that not my fault, huh? Tell me." Danny turned to look at Steve.

Danny sounded desperate, and Steve was faced with the shocking revelation of what happened two days ago, even though Steve could feel it was the cliff notes rather than the whole version.

The last thing Steve would do was to push Danny to his limits, though, and lead to his friend closing off. Steve refused to let Danny be consumed by shock and panic. They'd have to fight Steve first if they so much tried to overpower Danny.

Danny let the silence linger before he turned his eyes back to the water.

"I wish I had the Time Stone. It would have helped me."

"Yeah, the Sanctum Sanctorum is kinda far from here, don't you think?"

There was the twitching of Danny's upper lip in what could have been a smile, and Steve counted that as a win.

"She was so beautiful, Steve. A ray of sunshine. There I was, drinking club soda in a bar, at 10 a.m. and she waltzes in the place and lights it up. I mean, I drink coffee every morning to wake up, but seeing her woke me up faster than any coffee could."

Steve smiled at the analogy. Only Danny would compare coffee with a date.

"She came to me, can you believe that? In all my life, she has been the only one to actually approach me. It's usually me who goes to ask people for a drink, but she came to me and looked like I interested her enough not to ditch me. She even ordered me a drink, which was too strong for my liking. Left it there after barely one sip.

"My point is, she saw me. No one gives me a second look, yet here she is, in all her cheerful self, chatting me up. Flirting. It was so easy to flirt with her. Wondering what she saw in me that attracted her."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Danno. There's plenty of stuff about you that people like. Certainly you can be a hedgehog and put people off with how prickly you can get, but to those that get to see the actual you, it's worth it, Danny. You are worth it."

There was a meaningful look in Steve's eyes then, Danny recalling their talk in the hospital. How Steve also wanted more, but always the gentlemen, he put Danny's needs and priorities first, before his own.

How very Steve.

Danny wondered if after all of this settled down, would Steve still want to cross the line? What would he say if he knew Danny had sex with Leslie in the bar bathroom? Would he believe Danny that it was one of the happiest moments lately? Danny was actually happy, trying not to worry too much.

But, as always in Danny's life, good things in life were hard to find. They were so easy to lose, though.

It was like a dam burst right then. Danny put his hands on his face, trying to muffle the cries and ugly sobs splitting his soul in pieces, but Steve could see by the way of Danny's body shaking, that Danny wasn't letting himself grieve properly.

"C'mere." Steve pulled Danny in an embrace and held him as Danny cried.

It could have been minutes or hours for all Steve cared, but just as it started it suddenly stopped.

Danny rarely let himself be seen in such a disheveled state, but it felt like a heavy weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He knew things would get worse before they got better, but it didn't scare him as much as he thought it would.

"I'm so fucking tired Steve."

It was a testament of how Danny felt to actually admit it out loud. Steve understood that Danny was tired not just from sleepless nights, but much, much more. He tightened the hold he had on Danny.

"We'll get through this together, alright? I won't let you face this alone. Okay?" Steve made sure to look at Danny when he promised that.

"Okay." Danny agreed.

Steve pulled Danny in another embrace and held him for longer than was strictly necessary. But, Danny needed it so Steve wasn't going to conform to some imaginary lines to how long a hug should last.

In the car Steve noticed he had a message from Tani sent just a couple of minutes prior.

_Tani: Hey, boss, me and Quinn are coming to yours, bringing pizza. You need anything else?_

Steve smiled. It would be good for Danny to see them again. And Eddie would feel better too, so really it was a win-win situation.

_Steve: Bring beer and snacks. Non-alcoholics for Danny._

_Tani: Roger that boss._

…

After a quick shower, Danny returned to the living room to find his team gathered around the table. It warmed him from the inside to see that they were there for him, ready to offer comfort and someone Danny could trust with showing his true self to.

After settling on the couch, Eddie padded over to Danny and nuzzled against his ribs, like he could feel Danny was injured there. Danny gave the dog an ear scratch and Eddie whined happily for being the one to receive the attention.

At that moment, Danny knew that he would be okay. His soul took another round of bruises and scars, but Danny wasn't anything if not a fighter. It wouldn't be easy, but life was rarely fair to Danny. He just had to face this new challenge, and deal with it the best he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
